Are you one of the walking wounded? I am. I have been, and some days I still think I am. There are many times I think about my decision to move to the United States. It was a hard thing to give up so many family and friends. I missed out on many happy and sad occasions to leave and make a new life for myself. I know the Lord wanted me to be here as He was confirming so many different things a whole year before I moved.
However there are numerous times I look around me at my family here and at times do not understand why this particular family has to be so affected by disease and illness. I think some days it is a choice, and others it is just genetics. I had chosen to move here and be a part of this family so in essences I choose to live with all of this. Yes I am pouring my heart out a little.
Yesterday my dear husband of 15 1/2 years had surgery to remove more melanoma cancer cells. The unknown sits behind us and in front of us. We know in some way what lies ahead. We are trusting God to guide and guard us in the years ahead. We believe He is the "Jehovah Rapha" - the God who heals and the "Jehovah Jireh" - the God who provides. There are so many options open to us and people think we are crazy if he does nothing. Change is a way of life and there has been a lot of that going on the last year. It is always hard to try to change someone else unless they realize themselves this is for their own benefit.
I know that the Lord has used my life in the USA for myself and others. Of course we will only see the clear picture at the end of our lives when we look back and see the quilt or tapestry He has painted of our lives and where the suffering has made the colours brighter and others blended in. In my life I walk with a limp but know I hold on to Jesus more because of that.
See my heart is really out there today. God is good, and He is still on the throne. He is still my Lord and Saviour. Some days I just wish things were more defined. Ann Voskamp talks about in her two latest blog posts the scars of our lives. I have linked these posts to this post of mine. I love the way she writes and she expresses so much of what my heart feels. Have a read and make sure you have a tissue too.
Love always in Him
" I know He stands before me, I know He stands behind.
The God of Angel Armies is always by my side. " (I declare no matter what)
Links to Ann Voskamp's posts here below:
Goodnight again! ;)