Today and this week I am struggling. Struggling with the inability to do all the things that I am supposed to do in my job, as a wife and Homeschool Mom. My heart is definitely floating outside my body today.
I do not get on my knees too often, (but choose to pray whilst being active), but it seems that I need to do this very often recently. Sometimes I end up taking a nap when in that position too. Don't laugh, or smile - yes you have probably done that once or twice too.
I am grasping with the how, why us again, why now, wait until my boys are grown up, can I handle this all now. That's right, it is not up to us to handle. Life is a journey sometimes short and sometimes long but mostly just right in length. When I think of beautiful places , usually they involve mountains, waterfalls, deserts, hills, lots of busyness of nature criss-crossing each other. Well I think life is like that for us too.
Crisis has been a part of my life for at least 7 years now. I mean major life happenings. Firstly the diagnosis with cancer in our son, then for 2 years fighting that with him, then grief for a very, very long time; and now cancer again. All the "what if's " hang in the air unspoken each day between my husband and I. Physically it is difficult to hold each other arm in arm as it is uncomfortable for him. Being able to comfort each other emotionally is hard too - as I'm sure you can imagine.
I ask God to heal and to do that miracle right before our eyes and then I think, well maybe it will take a while. Do I now have enough faith or belief? Yes I do. I know God can do this. He has done it before and He can do it again. God you are not moving fast enough, well, some days He just does not do that. Lord Jesus, Holy Spirit wrap me in Your arms and strengthen me. I am so thankful for the Word of God, it comforts , strengthens and lifts my spirit to rejoice.
"Praise God from whom all blessings flow,
Praise Him all creatures here below,
Praise Him above Ye Heavenly Hosts,
Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost."
The doxology is always a comfort to me and a reminder of so much we need to be thankful for. Share with me in the comments how you cope with continuous crisis?