Life's Journey is like Stained Glass windows

Well there is this old Keith Green song called Stained Glass Windows. I just used to love this song, but I have a new realization of the goodness and grace of God through this picture. 

 
When a Stained Glass window is made, it consists of broken pieces of colored glass. The artist then has to take those broken pieces of colored glass and turn them into a window. The artist has to be careful to join them together in just the right way.   The windows are usually placed up high in church buildings. The sun will then hit them at peak strength. This will cause the colors in the stain glass windows to shine even brighter.   I have not done research on this of course until more recently. I was reminded of this just today as when at my Homeschool co-op and the church sanctuary is full of beautiful Stained glass windows with different parts of Scripture represented on them.  Some photographs are in this blog post.

My Abba Father has been chasing after pieces of my heart which have been broken over and over. He has showed me His abundant grace again and again. When I look back over the last 20 years I can see the incredible piecing together by my Father God artist. The window that He has designed is the most beautiful picture that I can see. My life portrayed full of grace, mercy and the Light of the Son shining through.

So when I look at the last few months of good changes, the realization that I can love someone else again, the newness of the fresh wind of the Holy Spirit blowing through my life, I see the sun shining into my heart and filling the building of my family once again with hope.

The rainbow of colors will still be shadowed at times but God, but God, but God can do over and above anything we could ever expect. With Easter fast approaching and the reminder of Christ’s blood being shed for us this rainbow of colors appeals to my heart, soul and spirit.

Easter and Resurrection Sunday came and went before I could get this posted. So here you go for the weekend reading list.

Second Year of Mourning

The journey less travelled is one that is harder. The Bible talks about the narrow way and the wide road. Obviously the narrow road is the journey less traveled. It is one that probably you have to climb over mountains along treacherous pathways where if you dare look to the left or right of you, you would fall, or become very afraid and start shaking with fear. It is followed by steep inclines into the valleys below the mountains, and then over another set of hills or mountains with deep dark valleys on the other side. This is how these last few months have been for our small family. I remember climbing Mount Inyangani in Nyanga, Zimbabwe and seeing the deep crevices in the rocks cutting down the other side of the mountain that had been put there by years and years of rain pounding the side of the mountain. There were also many trees standing bent over from years of strong winds blowing them in one direction. On the top of the mountain though was a fresh mountain stream with icy cold water. It was refreshing even on a cool fall day.

We have endured much suffering as a family by the US standard of suffering. Of course the Word of God says “we will suffer” in the last days especially. I think the believers on earth are suffering almost as much as those who lived in Bible times did, perhaps a little more.  Becoming friends with grief is not where I would like to stay. Grief can be your friend but really only for a period of time. I think for me personally the deep sense of loss of Walt happened almost right after the one year anniversary of his death. That is not so long ago. I felt desperation inside me that I was being carried by huge waves, like on a surfboard climbing to the top  of the wave and then plunging into the depths under the wave as it broke and washed up on to the shore. I am sure this sounds like depression. It probably is or was. I have never felt that way before in my life not knowing what I was going to do or feel the next second. To know that I was going to be okay I continued to play praise and worship music or Christian contemporary music in the night going to sleep, when I slept and 9 out of 10 times the Lord would minister directly to my heart through the words of a particular song.

More recently every time I get in the car or truck to run errands, take a son to practice, or even just when I wake up in the mornings my radio alarm clock has the perfect Scripture in song that I need to hear right  then. I think the grace and love of the Lord is chasing me, wooing me and drawing me to seek Him first and not things or stuff, to continue to bring myself back to Him and what He wants for our lives as a family.

I took a self-imposed retreat in the southern hills of Brown County in Indiana between Christmas and New Year. I was really alone without the boys for the first time in a year for more than 48 hours. It was deliciously enjoyable, yet being alone was good, and lonely at the same time. The Lord took me on a journey through 20 years of living in Indiana and all that I had seen and done with being married to Walt, being involved in three to four different churches and meeting some incredible people on this journey. So many of those folk were divine appointments. Some through doctors and nurses who just happened to be there at the right time when we needed prayer or guidance, others just met in the lobby of our church.

Whilst walking around the lake one cold afternoon I began to look at the trees and the broken down forests around and how they were all different in form.  My first picture is one of a cool fresh water lake that is dark and forlorn but beneath the surface of it life continues on perhaps just a little slower than other seasons. Fish go down deeper or move to warmer areas of the lake to keep safe.  Is this not what the human spirit does when times are cold and dark, we go to hide in the deep places so that our ‘hard’ is not exposed more to the cold damaging winter storms?

My second photograph is obviously of a tree that had fallen, but you know what, God still took that fallen trunk and turned it into something that glorified Him. I looked closer at the ‘life’ that showed up right there on something that most people would think was dead.  There is both lichen and moss growing prolifically on that trunk.

 God can still move. He is the God of the impossible. He is the God who clothes the trees, flowers and birds with exactly what they need. He gives them rest in cooler seasons, or instinctively plants in them the direction to fly to warmer places.  God can give that desire to us too to find warmer places to go for our spirits and hearts to be nourished too. God can take the dead things or what you thought was dead in your heart and bring them back to life again.  I thought that even when a tree is rendered totally dead and lying uprooted from the ground there is still life growing on or inn it. Even though your loved one may not be here any longer the Lord takes that legacy that in the natural is dead and gone, but 'new' things can start from there. Dead things can be changed to new dreams, new vision, new direction, new ideas - it is limitless with God.

Other photographs here show streams flowing into the lake and feeding its water supply providing freshness and newness of life to the lake. Though there were dead leaves everywhere I noticed that many of the lower branches of the trees were not on those really skinny trees. This is

because they had fallen off due to not getting enough nourishment or lack of light during the summer months I presume.  Sometimes, or a lot of times actually God has pruned situations, people and places out of my life. He showed me this again just to remind me where I have been and why.  The dead branches need to drop off at times to allow the tree to grow taller  towards the sky, but also to continue to allow its roots to grow deeper for security too. New growth and new branches come in the spring time too and remain for a time that the tree needs them or we need and allow them in our lives.

I crossed a few bridges. These reminded me of the help that our family had been given both financially, spiritually and physically in our home. Help with my boys now is gratefully received and cherished too. Bridges take us from one situation to another over another. There are rails on the bridge to make sure we stay in those boundaries and don’t try to venture out into side streams once again to find better options than what God wants for us. The lord puts those boundaries there for protection. Not to harm us like we usually think.

On the ground was leaves and moss, with the moss standing out in such vivid color against the dull brown, broken, dried leaves. To me this resembled how the broken

days had passed by but there were patches of green showing life once again. In the middle of the hard days there are times you can smile, laugh, or just have joy in your heart whilst tears are pouring down your cheeks. My broken dreams of what we may have accomplished together are no longer there. My dreams of spending nights snuggled with him are gone but we instead have different challenging evenings. Evenings that are not peaceful. The strategy to adjust that is coming slowly.

Lastly at the end of the pathway around the lake there were some amazingly tall trees but half of their root system was exposed. These thick strong roots had originally been covered, but even though now they were exposed they were still holding the tree up tall and strong.  All around these exposed tree roots were outcrops of moss. Green against gray.  I would rather take the green of ‘newness’ any day than gray of the old.  Our strength comes from the Lord. I am thankful for the Word of God and people that taught me this Word at a young age. I memorized verses like “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God” (Matthew 6:33) as a little girl by learning a song.  Sometimes I have to hum the chorus often through the day to remind myself if I am not seeking Him then I can not possibly be living the best possible way for Him. The tree roots I think have to grow twice as deep as the height of the tree to prevent the tree from buckling when the winds are strong. I could be wrong on that point but it made sense to me.

In order to become a stronger person of faith your roots and nutrition need to be stronger. This is the Word of God actively working in your life 'under' the soil. I am not an avid reader of the Bible right now but have to fight for every verse. I want to run and hide when the words jump off the page and convict me or scold me with their truth. But God's word rightly divides the truth from the garbage. I only want what is good to be inside me, and to be in my children. Living this out is a daily, sometimes hourly challenge. My closest friends know so many of our struggles, and mine and why, and still love me. Leaning on their faith and strength helps us through some days too.   Your roots will be exposed when the strong winds and storms come. Keep holding on is all I can say from experience.

1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your cares on Him and He shall direct your paths.” God’s word is the nutrition and food that our spirit and soul needs. I am preaching to myself right now because he reminded me how to live and why I live, because I’ve been redeemed, by the Blood of the Lamb. Only Jesus can rejuvenate those weary, depressed tired spirits in our lives. Only Jesus can nourish your aching heart where no-one can see that pain or talk through it with you.  It is a daily and hourly job to keep giving those cares back to the Lord. We do not need to carry them off the altar and then try to figure out what to do with all of them. I am so guilty of this one even in the last 24/ hours. That’s a fact.

We have to keep feeding our family the right nutrition both physically and spiritually.  I know I cannot depend on my children’s church pastor to be responsible for my son’s Christian walk. No that is my responsibility until they are old enough as a teen to take over.  There will continue to be life in my family. There will be joy and laughter again. There will be changes in our daily lives all the time, but if we keep eating the right Word nuggets day by day we can build back up the soil around the roots of our tree, or just grow deeper roots to search for a better source of nutrition. New branches will grow again on our trees.

I learned so much about the very nature of God’s design for my family just on those walks around the lake. Nature is like free counselling.  In the middle of my widowhood there is still life, it may be buried deep beneath the surface of our daily ‘grind’. But God – he rose from the dead and He can resurrect new trees or old trees strongly rooted with new branches too.  There are cardinals in the woods in winter too providing a different sense of color, the blood of Jesus showing up to remind us of His sacrifice for everyone. Your sacrifice as a man and allowing God to lead and guide you is minimal. A bird singing in the distance says there is still JOY in this season of barrenness. A woodpecker knocking against the branches means Jesus is still there knocking at the door of some of you who won’t let him in to all the hard places. (Speaking to me here for sure.)

So from a snowy cold Midwest stay safe in the storms and hold on with all you can.
Sincerely
Julie

Jesus Calling (Me)

The Lord has ministered to me so much recently on a daily basis through the book "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young. This book reminds me daily that the Word of God was written for a whole different variety of people throughout centuries of change.

September 30th 

I am perpetually with you, taking care of you. This is the most important fact of your existence. I am not limited by time or space; My Presence with you is a forever promise. You need not fear the future, for I am already there. when you make that quantum leap into eternity, you will find Me awaiting you in heaven. Your future is in My Hands; I release it to you day by day, moment by moment. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow.

I want you to live this day abundantly, seeing all there is to see, doing all there is to do.  Don't be distracted by future concerns.  Leave them to Me!  Each day of life is a glorious gift, but so few people know how to live within the confines of today.  Much of their energy for abundant living spills over the timeline into tomorrow's worries or past regrets.  Their remaining energy is sufficient only for limping through the day, not for living it to the full.  I am training you to keep your focus on My Presence in the present.  This is how to receive abundant Life, which flows freely from my throne of grace.

(Scriptures: Matthew 8:34;  John 10:10 ; James 4:13-15)

Why would this be so relevant to me? Well every day I think over the past 18-19 years, wonder what would my life be like if I had stayed in Zimbabwe. What would I be doing now, where would I be living in this world? All these questions.  

I would also have missed out on all the amazing people, places and experiences that I have had living in the United States. My faith has been stretched, to say the least, to the 'nth' degree. Some days are terrifying now, others satisfactory and some of them fantastic. 

When I choose to worry over the future of my boys, my latter years, my income, my calling, where I will be in a year from now, He reminds me of how far I have come, where I used to be, and who I am today. 

"I am a Princess in His eyes, I'm a vision of the Father glorified, I am beautiful to Jesus, I know" - that is what I want to be. I want to be like Jesus. I have a long way to go (IMO). 

Crying in the midnight hour over my precious angel boy and my sweet husband is healing to my soul, hurts my physical body and heart, but is so necessary and important. I am so blessed with some widows who have walked this road before me, praying for me and with me, coaching me through hard moments, reminding me what I have been through, and that it's okay. 

He's got me. Thankfully.  One day at a time is all He is asking of me. He's got the future of my family and I in His hands. 

Crisis in Grief

I needed to write tonight before retiring dear readers whoever you may still be. To write on Caringbridge does not always fill the need for unexpressed emotions indeed.

What does one's day look like when you roll out of bed early and see the constant pile of papers and documents to be filed and put way neatly on the other side of this huge bed that your beloved husband used to sleep in. Rotten ! Why have I not organized this yet so that my precious boys can lay on my bed and talk to me or reminisce about their Dad, or watch a show he used to like. I don't know - perhaps I am scared of losing the memories of him being there, and replace them with new ones. Perhaps I am just too lazy and became too much of a procrastinator like he was, and could not be bothered to do the work.

Challenges on how to parent a teenage boy when nearby there is no-one really close to teach them how to grow up into a man. I know some men who are husbands of my friends, but most of the time I do not like to intrude on their family time.  You say that is ridiculous, but it's not. I do not think I would like a widow asking my husband for help. Yet it is what God's word says to do. Mmmmm- stirring I think, maybe too much.

How can I get inside the head of an almost 8 year old who is missing his Daddy like crazy but who does not have the words to express it,  so instead bubbles up like a volcano full of wrath and lashes out at everyone who is closest to him, but has fun with those he does not really do 'life' with? He is one incredibly smart, amazing child so full of energy that needs to be let out.

As I lay there and think long into the night, of the roof that may need repairs, the inside handyman work that needs to be done in the next 10 days, and other worries - I just do not know where to start. Yes I have made significant steps to start detoxing my home of all the "things" that have built up during the last 3 years of fighting cancer as a family unit, but think if I had not let it build up around me during that time I would have less stress now. Ugh - who's to know.

Researching for a child's career that is 5 years down the road and trying to get inside his head so you can help him understand it is not all about him or just what he likes to do , but needs to be something that will inspire others too, as well as be work he enjoys and pays the bills. This is heavy stuff to face each day.  Wow God sure knew what he was doing when he created Man and Woman together to face life and all the difficulties of each day.

I want my home to be full of laughter again like when my son and my husband were still here that first year of my baby boy's life. I do not want to be upset or Miss. Perfectionist, but just Mummy hugging and loving on these blessings God trusted me with. The Holy  Spirit and grace are much needed gifts in our home hourly.

I want to sing from the mountain tops that He is Alive, yet bow before Him in humble worship, then in the next second want to lead others into His presence and sense the Lord's overwhelming , consuming love that He has for each one of us.  Worshiping my Savior is what I love to do best and is an incredible stress release for me.

May I re-learn to breathe in the oxygen of the love of the Lord again in every area of my life and heart, may I learn to live with my whole heart and not just a part. May the Joy of the Lord be my strength , physically, mentally and spiritually.

Life after Husband's Heavenly Appointment.

Dear Friends and Readers of my blog,

I have been noticeably absent for some time. My precious husband went to be with Jesus in November. We journeyed through Thanksgiving, Christmas and the first few months of the New Year slowly. It has been a difficult, joyous, relief, anger, bitterness, confusion and much much more emotional roller-coasters too. Please excuse my English grammar here.

I will update our journey through the maze of grief more as days go by as well as how to continue homeschooling in the middle of and future of this family grief and chaos. Our lives are a permanent chaos BUT living and practicing Grace with each other and outsiders of our home is something we are learning to do daily.

Thanks for reading.

Sincerely

Julie

Hello again friends

2/26/2014

Today is a new day. I am thankful each day is new with new mercies and God’s Grace is New every morning and not just once a week. 

This year we have been studying the Olympics since mid-January. This has opened my eyes to many situations that athletes have to overcome to become an Olympian. Instead of just being an athlete they also have a family and a life outside of their sport. They face long and sometimes grueling practice schedules, falls, injuries, and probably sometimes the temptations to give up.  I am amazed at how much we have learned through Amanda Bennett’s Unit Study (http://unitstudy.com/Olympics2014.html) for the Sochi 2014 Olympics, as well as using printables from the internet and the http://www.sochi2014.com/en/olympic website.  Knowledge Box  (http://www.currclick.com/product/89369/2014-Winter-Olympics-Lapbook)  gave us some wonderful information in a condensed format so we have a combination study of Unit Study and lapbook all-in-one.

Many days I am tempted in some ways to not want to Homeschool, but when I get to the end of a study or week and review in conversation with the boys what they have really learned I am glad we have the freedom to homeschool and right now, can decide what/how to learn.

Our family has not had it easy since 2000. We have experienced many losses. It makes me open up my Bible and read through the Old Testament where many men and women lost precious children, spouses, parents at varying stages of their lives. Some reacted and some responded to that loss.  I want to choose to respond and not react. I want the Holy Spirit to be so much a part of my every action, especially those when it involves interaction with the boys and family. That is definitely not so right now, so I will continue working on that point. I will try not to strive but to just change one moment at a time.

The Lord has been working on our family relationships with one another and maintaining an atmosphere of peace. Well in a home with boys who are bouncing off the walls, as well as the basketballs and footballs bouncing, that is a hard task.  God certainly created the family unit to prune our characters and I suppose that is going to bring out the best and worst in our individual characters. Yes I do know this already. Wow Cain and Able sure battled against each other it seemed and that did not end well. Jacob and Esau are a good example of this rivalry too. Character work is one of the toughest issues I have dealt with in my own and my son’s lives.

Today we ended our study of the Olympics by listening to one of the Lamplighter’s audios called “Charlie’s Choice.”  Charlie made numerous choices in his life that affected the direction of where his life would go and eventually end up. His most important choice came after studying the Bible and deciding to let God and Jesus, be the Captain of his life. This made me re-think my decision about who is directing my life.  There seems to be only one way to me. My question today after all my ramblings is this…some text taken from “Charlie’s Choice.”  (http://store.lamplighter.net/da---charlies-choice---dramatic-audio-cd-p67.aspx  )

“A true hero has the strength to listen to what his Captain commands” said Charlie.

Is your Captain your Heavenly Father, your God – your calling?” (Me)

The book shop owner said, “When God blesses there is no sorrow attached. Focus on               what you do have, not on what you don’t have.  The most important journey in life is not                 about what you can get but about what you become.”

            “The goals you set for tomorrow shape who you are today.”

My calling as a wife and mother is to serve Him, the Captain of my life.  To love my husband and my boys with everything I can and to train the boys the best I can with God’s help. Thanks for listening. 

New Treatment Plan

My husband begins his new Clinical Trial today at the local hospital downtown. He will only have to go for infusions every 2 or 3 weeks depending on which drug he gets first. The trial is for 6 months. He is unable to continue on any supplements, oils or any herbal medicines.

Please lift our family up in prayer at this time. Thank you.

This is short and sweet due to today being a learning day in our home.

Love you sweetheart. Praying for you too.

J

Cancer Therapy

Thank you for praying for  our family over the past week. My husband has completed one week of therapy and is tired. That is not the only side effect but seems to be the one most prevalent.

He has had some stomach issues with new medicines to take at home and his appetite seems to be okay. He does not eat very much in the hot summer days anyway so maybe this is good for him too. Please pray for him to not be too concerned but to be at peace. There is some swelling going on in the scar issue from his surgery where the melanoma nodules were removed from. We await for an MRI to see about that and exactly what is going on under the skin.

I am basically very busy and trying to keep it altogether. Ha like you can do that as a Homeschooling Mom with 2 rambunctious boys. Pray for peace in the walls of our home which is  my husband's sanctuary after a day at work and having IV Therapy.

Thanks
Julie

Summer Days are Here Again

How did summer get here so fast, and we are almost mid-way through June. I have not had much time to relish these warm days. I continue to spring clean this little abode we have, trying to rid us of books we no longer use, or read, and toys that have been outgrown. Of course some of these are precious and have been used by 3 different boys and some belong to our Angel boy so we have a tendency to hold on to them longer.

How are we doing? Well that is hard to say. As I listen to Ann Voskamp's blog music play in the background I would say we are okay. We are surviving in the middle of the storm. We do not know how my husband's cancer is slowing down or growing as it will be a few months before we can test again. Blood tests for markers were done today but it will be a few weeks before we have results.  Our family life is continually adjusted or disrupted due to new eating routines  and diets being changed almost on a daily basis here. I have to monitor how many carbs, fats and proteins he inputs in to his body and how much liquid goes down each day. To take supplements without being able to swallow them is a feat in itself. We may have found the answers in a protein shake which has low carbs. Praying this works on a continual basis and the patient does not become bored with it.

We celebrated 6 years of life with our youngest son who is so full of energy it is hard to keep pace with him. He has a smile and giggle that will melt your heart. It is hard to imagine that the days he came in to this world were so filled with turmoil. Car accidents, stem cell transplants and giving birth don't all go together but the Knights seem to do things like this.

We are trying to stay away from a summer full of unnecessary activities to remain focused on being a family without the constant pressure of school every day too. Visits to friends and celebrating friendship with other families is perhaps something on our agenda. My hubby will be doing some treatments towards the end of the summer and we are praying the Lord uses these medicines and others he is currently taking to continue to heal his body.

As a mom and wife I am struggling internally with many things. Each day is a gift I know that I should not take for granted but some days I can barely focus on me for all the 'stuff;' and things that need to be accomplished.  Spending time in prayer at the feet of my Saviour should be first but often is not, and often comes in the middle of the night when I can't sleep. My Bible seems to call me so much and then I am called away and it never gets completed. I need you Jesus to come to my rescue, and to satisfy my soul and spirit more than anything else. We in this world of crazies need Him to be Lord of all. Pray for me to focus on His will for our family, and to welcome interruption or crisis and not to wiggle and squirm when life is hard. Pray for my husband to want to eat exactly right so that he can remain cancer free. Thank you.

I am so longing for more of Him each day. I'm thanking Him He has provided a way for us to pay our bills, and to survive for right now. All glory,  blessing and honor and power and praise be unto Him. He is Creator, King of Kings, Lord of Lords and our Saviour. He is....

Life is not fair but our God is good. Goodnight.

Contemplating Cancer Treatment - Why is it There?

Husband , Best Friend, Daddy, Son and Brother. 

Cancer. Recurrence. Metastasis  This can be a scary time for a man, a family, especially one with small children already scarred by this disease. We took time out today to go over numerous tests with W's integrative health physician,  and still more to peruse later this week. God has a plan for this family whether it be for many years ahead or a shorter space of time. We do not know how long he has for each of our lives but He knows. He assures us we are in the palm of His hand.

Yes He sends His angels to watch over us, the Holy Spirit to guide us. We need to be still long enough to listen and to wait for that direction.  Brendon saw angels in our home so we know they are still around. 

We have so much information to learn in a short space of time so we are asking Him for wisdom and direction. To change our ways of eating is so hard for most people in this country. To start off right from birth would be so much better for everyone. To encourage others to eat better is good too but not to force them. I have never had issues with eating healthy as in a Third World Nation where I grew up,  it was easy. I did not have too many choices for boxed and canned 'delicacies' - if you could call them that. Those were our 'treat' foods.  Thank you Lord for that teaching my parents instilled in  me to eat that way. 

Choose wisely what you eat yourself and for your children as much as you can. 

Pray for my husband and children that they will be willing to adapt to our new way of life whatever that may be and whatever change that may involve for the dynamics of our home. Thank you so very much.  Pray for many years of family life and many places to witness of God's blessing in our lives. 

We will continue to update you when we know more.  Pray for W to find some other kind of work in the Postal Service he can do to keep him occupied. 

Thank you and thank you

Oh to be a Mum of an Angel!

"For you created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well....
Your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.
Psalm 159:13-14

The verses above I said in a play when I was only 24 years old. God has always reminded me of how special each child is as I have gone through my pregnancies and watched my friends around me have children.
Brendon was a warrior and still is an inspiration to many people even though he is no longer on earth.

This precious beautiful boy was prayed for, conceived and birthed and growing up fast way before we knew just how short his life would be.
Dear sweet,  adorable Brendon - thanks for being an awesome, brave little boy. You had more courage than I know of anyone!

I am so privileged to be your Mum and so blessed to have that for 5 1/4 years. Thank you Lord for blessing our family with Brendon.

"Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say Rejoice"

Spring and School

We are only 11 weeks into our curriculum as we started schooling from January to December. I am proud to say my 3 almost 4 year old is writing, yes writing his whole entire alphabet out in Uppercase letters. He is amazing me. I just sit and watch as he dives into his 'schoolboxes' each day with enthusiasm I have not seen in a long time. I am praying for my spirit to be renewed to devour God's Word like that each day.

We just took a 2 week self imposed Spring Break. We needed time to organize, take care of some family business, and refresh our relationships too. Chicago was busy and cold and lots of time spent in the van listening to the Melendy family on Spiderweb for Two.  This is part of an audio series we have been listening to for 2 years on our vacations. Google it and find it on sale. It is a marvellously entertaining series of audio books.

My 9 year old and I are travelling on the Eastern Frontier in history and learning about Franklin, Washington and Lincoln, the great names of American history. I am loving this history and geography woven together and am learning so much about this adopted country of mine. I look forward to next year and learning Biblical history with him too. I studied in Africa at my Bible school but the knowledge needs to be refreshed. 20 years ago it was new to me but not now....

Science experiments with the added help of learning bird calls off the Internet have been eye opening and fun for both of us. God is revealing His creation to my son in a new way, and not just through Mum taking us all out in the cold for a Nature Walk. I recently downloaded a wonderful resource off of Homeschool Freebie of the Day from Homeschool Radio Shows website : Handbook Of Nature Study. This book is amazing. I am still longing for a paper copy and added it to my list of 'likes' on my book list. We are using this book as a supplemental resource for our nature studies on a weekly basis.

Old books, classic books are still my favourite and remain a stable in my reading diet for both myself and my children.

I will also be attending the Ultimate Homeschool Expo Conference online in a few weeks time: http://www.ultimatehomeschoolexpo.com/  . This is an online conference for homeschoolers and other parents who would like to attend and it's online. You don't have to leave home. All the action takes place online and one you've bought your ticket you have access after the conference to over 100 audios, many articles from the speakers and freebies from the organizers and speakers.  The ticket is $24.95 per person or if you order with a friend $37.95(+- $19.00 each).  I attended a session on Tuesday night in my PJ's and it was fun. There was also a Twitter party after the audio session and folks won lots of neat prizes - books, e-books and such like.  You can try the conference out for free by visiting the website and maybe attending one of the live open sessions coming up in April. Click on over and find out. If you want to team up with me for a ticket - Please email me.

Spring is Surely Coming

This is the season of new things. I look around our city and see the daffodils and tulips popping out of the ground. It makes me so thankful for seasons. When I lived in Africa there was 2 seasons - summer and winter(only 3 months long and not really cold). The Lord created the harshness and coldness of winter to temporarily silence plants and animals. Sometimes humans too. During the ice storm this year there was lots of time for reflection. God provides these resting times i nour lives so our spirits can be renewed.

Did we use the winter season wisely? Did we spend more time in His presence and Word? I certainly did not. I became caught up in the 'things' that needed to be done so we could have more time to enjoy the nice seasons.

Did you snuggle with your children in front of a log fire and just read for the entire day! Mmmm. I read lots of books but they were scheduled ones msotly. When I did stop and read the fun and exicting, mysterious ones I had my family's attention totally. These are my favourite times during the day. I can hold the attention of 2 wriggly boys who would rather be making noises galore with their cars, trucks and trains.

Are you wondering if I am healing from my grief in the past 3 years. Well yes and no. I do not get sad every day, just occasional moments during each week. I am blessed to realize that. Mourning is so exhausting. Grief can envelope your brain, spirit and soul, and eventually your physical health. My health is gradually improving. Praise the Lord.

Gluten Free, Sugar free and additive free has done wonders for my physical awareness, and my spirit too. You see the Lord is healing me both inside and out.

The photo above is our precious Brendon taking at a photo shoot in spring time before he got cancer!

More photographs today - :)

The photos are in the reverse order of age development - the youngest pic is at the bottom here. All 3 boys are just so cute!

National Museum of the United States Air Force

Wow this was an amazing place for boys - especially those who are interested in flying machines, war and such things. Of course that does not really include myself but I still went anyway. My favorite part of this museum was the humongous planes outside on an old runway/parking lot. As the day was about 90 degrees in the shade this was a warm venture to visit.

The museum inside has air conditioning and is enjoyable and HUGE. There are many different parts to this museum and a gift shop for those knick-knacks and reminders or just to purchase postcards because your camera can't do it justice.

The stories that are told through the history of the aircraft is amazing. We even saw Kennedy's Air force One. Fancy that. Yes it was interesting and good to go back to again in a few years when perhaps my little guy is not so tired!

The galleries are filled with places, gliders, the Wind tunnel example that the Wright brothers used to work out how to fly/build their plane. One of their planes is on display too - exciting to see especially once you have studied flying! there are the Cold War and Missile Galleries too - not to be missed. Mannequins and other props are used to make this museum more friendly to visit.

The boys and their Dad paid to ride in the the Cockpit of a 'bomber' I think. They 'flew' over the mountains, down the valleys and had a 5 minute ride of fun. My oldest could not stop talking about it afterwards and the little guy said they nearly crashed into the mountains! He thought it was real!

We had an enjoyable time there and as it is not too far of a drive from home can be visited from here in one day too. It is free with a huge parking lot. During school times I am sure there are plenty of school tours but you can pick to get there later in the morning to avoid the crowds I think. This museum is open 7 days a week and is staffed mostly by volunteers which is amazing too.

I hope you enjoyed walking through our vacation to Ohio with us this year and some of our memories for years to come. I like sharing them with you too.

Here is a link for their website:

http://www.wpafb.af.mil/museum

Farmers Markets

Hi there,

We are homeschooling, playing in the pool and are done with VBS as well as all our tennis and swimming lessons too. It has been a busy June and July. We are leaving for vacation soon for a week but I would like to post about some things I love best.

The month of August is known nation wide as the harvest month, and bumper crops of zucchini, cucumber, tomatoes and corn are coming in by the droves. When selecting at the farmers markets be sure to get the least bruised looking items. Sometimes the vendors if I know them well will give me a reduced price for the produce if it is damaged and then I just blend it up into fruit or veggie rollups. I have a dehydrator so after the produce or fruit is blended I put it in the dehydrator and about 6 hours later I have a preserved harvest. Of course it usually gets wrapped in plastic wrap(yes I do use it occasionally), and stored in the freezer. When we leave on a day trip I have a handy snack which is nutritious and healthy and yummy for the boys.

Our local farmers market in Cumberland, IN is having a Arts Festival in August. Here is a link to the page where you can find the information.

http://cumberlandfbc.org/Cumberland%20Arts%20goes%20to%20Market%202010.htm

Our family attended last year. We found some neat deals on Christmas gifts, as well as did our usual shopping at the Farmers Market at the same time. The boys and I listened to some neat classical and jazz music in the big tent whilst snacking on our lunch. It does not have to cost anything to attend just don't buy too many things when you are there. You will get an idea of the local vendors in and around Cumberland and Greenfield, IN and enjoy some time with your family.

No I don't get paid for this but just would like you to have an enjoyable day! I met some wonderful people who had exhibits up last year and the boys had a fun and exhausting day.

I will put a button somewhere on here on the blog soon.

Change, change and More Change

It has been a very busy month for us. We have experienced lots of running around to swimming and tennis lessons, park dates with our Homeschool friends, a fabulous ride on Thomas the Tank Engine in Connersville, In and also some changes.

The church that we were attending is now closed. The pastor felt led to close the church down for various reasons. It has been a difficult two weeks adjusting to the thought of not seeing folks who we have become friends with over the last 3 years. This church is also the last place where Brendon attended services before he passed away. The thought of not being in touch regularly is difficult as that is a way for us to remember Brendon. People say they will never forget him but I do know from experience that does not last.

My husband and I are on a new journey now to find a church home which is a family orientated church. To us, that means a place where the children are in the service with us and not separated. I believe the children are supposed to be with their parents as their teachers and monitor what they are receiving from others. That is hard to do if you are not in the same room as the child!

We have been a family that is careful what our children watch on TV, Video and DVD, and where they go on the Internet. I have noticed my children are aware of more of the sin that is around them than I thought. My oldest has pointed out that David and Bathsheba definitely did the wrong thing before getting married. Now it looks like I am going to have to look into some early adolescence counselling and training.

My grief journey is very slow at the moment. I go over one hump and back over two. I know I am progressing but ever so slowly and then I get frustrated with that. I have made a start on the book that I am writing, its on paper for right now and will transfer to the computer sometime. Yes I do know that heaven is going to be manifested soon and so will be the opportunity to see my child there, but I am living every day with a huge gap in my home that I am still getting used to.

We are due to have a family vacation sometime soon, whilst also praying in anticipation for Walt's step-mom who is going through the final stages of fighting ovarian cancer. We do not know when she will pass on but we are thinking it may be sooner than we thought. I do not like attending funerals at the moment but at least we have talked a few times on the phone and she seems to be okay. Some days are harder for her than others. She does live on her own. Please pray for Pat that she would not have pain but that when it comes time she would recognize the Lord's angel sent for her.

All these changes are taking place during a very hot and sweltering summer through which we continue to homeschool and enjoy the outdoor activities later in the day or earlier in the morning. I miss my work with the Homeschool crew but know that is was for a season, just like our church, and we are moving into a new stage of our lives.

My desire for the rest of this year is to not get caught up in the necessary evil of everyday tasks but to enjoy each day for itself. My boys would love it if I would not be so sticky to the schedule...especially on those cool summer days we could play outside all day. We look forward to a week of VBS with friends coming up and no school for those days. Thank you for your continued prayers over our family and our ever changing hearts.

B and Andrew

This photo above was taken 3 years ago when I had 3 living sons. Hope you like the old photos of my boys.

Tomorrow will also be about 12 years since my own Daddy passed away from Pneumonia. I loved him very much and still miss his wisdom and wit!

Hold your children and your family close.

Happy Birthday Bubby Boo- Andrew!

It is my dear sweet little guys birthday. He is three today and was born rather quickly or slowly. We went into labor after being side swiped in a hit and run accident on the main raod home from the hospital. Our sweet second son was in there for his stem cell transplant. We knew that the baby would be born close to the stem cell transplant time but not in the way he was. Some of you who read this blog know our story and some don't.

I went into labor as a result of the accident and then Andrew was born about 20 hours later. it was a very long night. He was due a few days later though. Thankfully I was almost 9 months along. He has been a wonderful blessing to our family. Some days we just wonder what life was like without him. He is so like his brother "B" that has passed away. He also just inherited all of B's Thomas Train set, and all his little cars. We have kept these up and put away for at least a year and now are ready to see them used again. I think Andrew is truly blessed by all that his brother left behind for him. Even days before he died Brendon was giving away his stuffed animals and toys to his two brothers, almost like he did know he was not staying on earth but graduating to heaven.

That is a hard thing to imagine that a 5 year old knows that kind of stuff. I will never understand but as I read today in my little Grief book " We are never promised freedom from flood and fire, from any kind of disaster, or freedom from death. What god is promising here is that we do not walk through these terrors alonge and that, diffiult as they are , they will not destroy us."

The Lord sent us a blessing ahead of time and he is so precious. Hold your little ones just a little bit longer each night.

Spring is Welcome Here!

The month of April has been a nutty one. Of course it is spring and in the Midwest we have had some fantastic weather. There have also been some pretty soggy days and nights mixed into that month.

As far as reviews are concerned I am running about two weeks behind on them and still have Super Star Speech, Lesson Planet, Sue Gregg cooking and a few more to complete. My journey with the Old Schoolhouse Homeschool Review team for 2009/10 comes to an end during May. I am sad in some respects as it tested my ability to meet deadlines and work for someone else again, but I am also relieved that I will be able to dig into what I have received in more detail other than just skimming the surface. I could probably do with a few weeks off in the summer to do just that. Not quite sure that will happen.

Yesterday we travelled to French Lick, Indiana to visit the Indiana Railway Museum and French Lick Scenic Railway(http://www.indianarailwaymuseum.org/ ). This is a trip we have done before with Daniel and Brendon when they were younger and before Brendon was diagnosed with cancer. It is 5 years since we visited there. It did bring back some sweet and some bitter memories. The countryside is beautiful and the train goes through a 2200 foot tunnel which makes it really dark for about a whole minute. Children hold their breath and the adults make it almost impossible to believe the darkness will go away, and then whoosh we are in the light again. Andrew loved the ride and slept well most of the way home! The picture up above was Brendon travelling on this train in September 2005.

No I am not getting paid to showcase them either but if you live close to this spot, the train does go more often in the summer and children love the ride. It is not too long and even fun. Be prepared for them to try to sell some snacks and drinks on board to raise money for a purchase of a new steam engine though for the railway.

It was terrific to have a family day together in spite of the rain, and you know what, Daniel prayed for the rain to only continue once our train ride was over. As we drove out the parking lot it started to rain! Thank you Lord for honoring my child's simple honest prayer from heart.

The Lord does honor our prayers even as adults. Sometimes we do not like the way He answers. Why did my child not get healed and another across the country seems to be doing okay. I do not know all of that. I don't think I could love my Lord if He was just like me. He is all powerful, all consuming and all loving. We can not 'not' question Him about things but He does not choose to answer all of our questions.

The Lord is also teaching me to "Judge not, lest you be judged." I do not want to get to the gates of heaven and be turned away because of a bitter and contrite heart. I have a few heart issues I am working on, and unfortunately they are not weekly or monthly things, but daily confrontations. Forgiveness is so hard for humans and we have to be willing to humble ourselves and basically 'suck it up." I do not understand either why friends, family, neighbors or associates make decisions that they do but it is not for me to interfere, talk about or judge. Biting my tongue has become a frequent thing to do. That hurts.

I am giving you my heart today which I do not do often if you know me well. I am praying for more children to be welcomed in our home, I do not think it is possible at this age, but for God who knows what is in store for tomorrow!

I have journeyed here from Zimbabwe, Africa and He has been a constant companion in my life whether I was single, married and now a Mom. He is the friend who sticks closer than a brother and I sure do need Him on a minute by minute basis.

We get to celebrate our little guy Andy's 3rd birthday this week and we are so blessed by his life. He is learning to talk better daily and is excited to get all the 'Thomas' stuff that he is hoping for. We will see what the Birthday 'man' brings for him to unwrap!

Now I have to another review so will post that later today. May the Lord bring you peace and joy for the rest of today.

"The joy of the Lord is my strength."