Can you Cope with Crisis?

Today and this week I am struggling. Struggling with the inability to do all the things that I am supposed to do in my job, as a wife and Homeschool Mom. My heart is definitely floating outside my body today.

I do not get on my knees too often, (but choose to pray whilst being active), but it seems that I need to do this very often recently. Sometimes I end up taking a nap when in that position too. Don't laugh, or smile - yes you have probably done that once or twice too.

I am grasping with the how, why us again, why now, wait until my boys are grown up, can I handle this all now. That's right, it is not up to us to handle. Life is a journey sometimes short and sometimes long but mostly just right in length. When I think of beautiful places , usually they involve mountains, waterfalls, deserts, hills, lots of busyness of nature criss-crossing each other. Well I think life is like that for us too.

Crisis has been a part of my life for at least 7 years now. I mean major life happenings. Firstly the diagnosis with cancer in our son, then for 2 years fighting that with him, then grief for a very, very long time; and now cancer again. All the "what if's " hang in the air unspoken each day between my husband and I.  Physically it is difficult to hold each other arm in arm as it is uncomfortable for him. Being able to comfort each other emotionally is hard too - as I'm sure you can imagine.

I ask God to heal and to do that miracle right before our eyes and then I think, well maybe it will take a while. Do I now have enough faith or belief? Yes I do. I know God can do this. He has done it before and He can do it again.  God you are not moving fast enough, well, some days He just does not do that. Lord Jesus, Holy Spirit wrap me in Your arms and strengthen me. I am so thankful for the Word of God, it comforts , strengthens and lifts my spirit to rejoice.

"Praise God from whom all blessings flow,
Praise Him all creatures here below,
Praise Him above Ye Heavenly Hosts,
Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost."

The doxology is always a comfort to me and a reminder of so much we need to be thankful for. Share with me in the comments how you cope with continuous crisis?
Julie

Treatment options Changed Again

My husbands scans did not come back free and clear, and obviously we knew that would happen too. His tumor is the size of a baseball or softball now. There is however no spread of cancer anywhere else in the body.

Here is an update however on our Caringbridge site for those who are really interested and have not already seen this update through Facebook.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/brendonknight/journal

I am reading Mrs Ann Voskamp's blog daily as there is so much in there to keep me turning to my Bible and reading what God's way is. The Bible not the blog are keeping me hanging onto Jesus.  (http://www.aholyexperience.com/ )

I do believe in healing and that God's word works. He has healed before and He can do it again.

Believe with us for the Lord's mighty hand to reach into Walt's body and heal thoroughly whether it be slow or instantly. Thank you for loving us from afar dear friends.

Be blessed and worship in the Lord's house on Sunday if you can.

Julie

Hello again friends

2/26/2014

Today is a new day. I am thankful each day is new with new mercies and God’s Grace is New every morning and not just once a week. 

This year we have been studying the Olympics since mid-January. This has opened my eyes to many situations that athletes have to overcome to become an Olympian. Instead of just being an athlete they also have a family and a life outside of their sport. They face long and sometimes grueling practice schedules, falls, injuries, and probably sometimes the temptations to give up.  I am amazed at how much we have learned through Amanda Bennett’s Unit Study (http://unitstudy.com/Olympics2014.html) for the Sochi 2014 Olympics, as well as using printables from the internet and the http://www.sochi2014.com/en/olympic website.  Knowledge Box  (http://www.currclick.com/product/89369/2014-Winter-Olympics-Lapbook)  gave us some wonderful information in a condensed format so we have a combination study of Unit Study and lapbook all-in-one.

Many days I am tempted in some ways to not want to Homeschool, but when I get to the end of a study or week and review in conversation with the boys what they have really learned I am glad we have the freedom to homeschool and right now, can decide what/how to learn.

Our family has not had it easy since 2000. We have experienced many losses. It makes me open up my Bible and read through the Old Testament where many men and women lost precious children, spouses, parents at varying stages of their lives. Some reacted and some responded to that loss.  I want to choose to respond and not react. I want the Holy Spirit to be so much a part of my every action, especially those when it involves interaction with the boys and family. That is definitely not so right now, so I will continue working on that point. I will try not to strive but to just change one moment at a time.

The Lord has been working on our family relationships with one another and maintaining an atmosphere of peace. Well in a home with boys who are bouncing off the walls, as well as the basketballs and footballs bouncing, that is a hard task.  God certainly created the family unit to prune our characters and I suppose that is going to bring out the best and worst in our individual characters. Yes I do know this already. Wow Cain and Able sure battled against each other it seemed and that did not end well. Jacob and Esau are a good example of this rivalry too. Character work is one of the toughest issues I have dealt with in my own and my son’s lives.

Today we ended our study of the Olympics by listening to one of the Lamplighter’s audios called “Charlie’s Choice.”  Charlie made numerous choices in his life that affected the direction of where his life would go and eventually end up. His most important choice came after studying the Bible and deciding to let God and Jesus, be the Captain of his life. This made me re-think my decision about who is directing my life.  There seems to be only one way to me. My question today after all my ramblings is this…some text taken from “Charlie’s Choice.”  (http://store.lamplighter.net/da---charlies-choice---dramatic-audio-cd-p67.aspx  )

“A true hero has the strength to listen to what his Captain commands” said Charlie.

Is your Captain your Heavenly Father, your God – your calling?” (Me)

The book shop owner said, “When God blesses there is no sorrow attached. Focus on               what you do have, not on what you don’t have.  The most important journey in life is not                 about what you can get but about what you become.”

            “The goals you set for tomorrow shape who you are today.”

My calling as a wife and mother is to serve Him, the Captain of my life.  To love my husband and my boys with everything I can and to train the boys the best I can with God’s help. Thanks for listening. 

Merry Christmas

“If It Had Not Been for Christ”

If this was the title on a Christmas card sent to you today would it make you think a little more about why we celebrate today, Christmas Day. I certainly think it shall.

Where would the stockings hung by the fire be?; The Christmas bells would not ring, the holly and the mistletoe would be hidden, and possibly gifts not given in such generosity.

There would be no churches, no rules or very few to read about. People would have no hope when death touches their life. There would be no chance of ever seeing that person  again. The Bible would end at Malachi. Joy would probably be at the expense of others too.

But there came a day on earth when things changed and Israel’s hope could be seen and heaven came down to tell us about it too.

O Come All Ye Faithful, joyful and triumphant,

O come ye, O come ye to Bethlehem;

Come and Behold Him, born the King of Angels,

O come let us adore Him, Christ, the Lord.

Let us be glad and rejoice for the Hope, Love and Joy that Christ brought to our earth. He came bringing good news. To me having that Saviour of the whole wide world living in my heart is so amazing. He loves me and He loves you and wants you to know Him too. Talk to Him, ask Him to come live inside you.

Be thankful you can celebrate Jesus birth where so many are unable to do this.  Bless others with extra that you have the whole year through.  Remember:

“He comes to make His blessings flow,

Far as the curse is found.

He took the curse for you and He asks you to believe……

Merry Christmas.

Angel Day 5 years on.

Dear Brendon,

Wow. I never thought we would get to this day and be okay. God has been with us B, and in us too and helped us to live without you. Some days are so long and so tiring without you. Others we look at your photographs and pictures and smile with joy and the privilege of knowing you.

How is life with the Lord? Are you enjoying worshipping Him every day? I often wonder what that will be like Brendon. I am looking forward to the day you will show me around. We have many friends in heaven with you dear Bren and hope that you are enjoying their company. 

Daddy is keeping on keeping on. We are on this journey once again with cancer sitting on the doorstep of our lives. Daddy is working hard and fighting with all his might sweetie.

Daniel misses you still so much and wonders often what life would be like sharing a room with you now. He is so smart and good with his hands. He is also great at taking care of Andy when needed. Today he just may snuggle up with some of your toys and stuffed animals.

Andy is a lot like you as he loves life and loves to talk. He also loves to read books, look at animals outside the back door and play with your toys too. We are so thankful for him in our lives.

Mummy just plain misses you often. Yes I cry tears a lot of days, but there are smiles in the middle of those times too.

Love Mum
_________________________________________________________________________________
For others reading this blog - yes these are my thoughts today. I am so blessed to have been the mother of a little boy who had cancer. That cancer did not define him or our family. Brendon knew beyond a shadow of a doubt who his Savior and Lord was and he is with Him now.He would love for you to know Jesus as your Saviour too so that you can one day be in heaven with Brendon and the Lord.

Grief is a journey and losing a child changes the direction of your life in so many ways, some so subtle you don't see until years later and  are looking back. The loss of a child is a lifelong loss but it does not have to break you totally. To get up each day and continue living is hard but it can be done. I am not saying we are amazing people,  as inside these 4 walls there are so many issues on a daily basis in our family. Some are related to grief, and others are everyday stuff.

If you know of a family who has recently suffered the loss of a child then I challenge you to be there for them, not just during the first few months, but for a few years and more.  The marriage and family suffer so much when they lose a child/sibling or parent. Be there for someone. Listen. Send cards. Show them the tangible love of the Lord Jesus.

Brendon loved life and he loved the Lord. Challenge yourself to do the same.

New Treatment Plan

My husband begins his new Clinical Trial today at the local hospital downtown. He will only have to go for infusions every 2 or 3 weeks depending on which drug he gets first. The trial is for 6 months. He is unable to continue on any supplements, oils or any herbal medicines.

Please lift our family up in prayer at this time. Thank you.

This is short and sweet due to today being a learning day in our home.

Love you sweetheart. Praying for you too.

J

Treatment Changes, and Life Goes On

My dear sweet husband has had a rough summer once again.  He was progressing nicely on his alternative medicine therapy and diet, which helped him lose 40 pounds and then whammo.

After some weeks his tumors decided to grow back. This has saddened our hearts somewhat but we have not stopped looking for answers. He is now signed up to do a Clinical trial through IU Health in Indiana. He got the last spot open for this particular trial and so we believe that was God's hand. We are sad to have to stop all the alternative medicines as we know they do work so well. I, as his executive chef now have to figure out ways of feeding him what those supplements were giving him, but in his food. This is proving harder than I though. He does not eat as much as he used to either.

He will be monitored carefully for changes in tumor size and/or health all the way through. We are praying the medicines work like they are supposed to and reduce the tumor size so he continue on the trial and continue to fight.  He will be able to work through this process too and only has to have a few days off per month for the visits to the hospitals to receive the meds. 

We will be staying in the USA instead of visiting family overseas for our vacation this year. We had planned a trip to the UK if  possible but seems we will have to save that for when he is well. Believe with us for that healing that we so believe in.

Thank you for praying for our family too when you remember.  Pray for peace for our boys too please as this disruptive summer has caused them to be worried and fearful too at times.

Our God is an awesome God. 
Blessings to you and yours tonight and this week.
Julie